Being a Woman Today: Looking and Feeling Fabulous

By Reisa Mehlman on  March 28, 2011 2:01 PM

There is a new women's movement emerging. A wave in which women are moving -- one that is uniting us in the way that we care about ourselves and our world.

Five out of seven days every week, women get on my table and speak about their lives. They share their hopes, their dreams, and their concerns. We trade stories about our partners -- or lack thereof, stories about our children, our pets, and our families. They talk about their health, their happiness, or sadness, feelings about themselves, their spouses, our country, and the world. I understand that we want to be heard. Sometimes, I speak; mostly, I listen.

Who we are, as women, is changing. Our ideas are changing, our roles are changing. We have begun to see ourselves and others in a global sense - as members of a world that is united in so many ways. We see ourselves as having more choices - whether we work at home or outside the home, whether we school at home, whether or not we have children. All of these things are opportunities that we are beginning to understand is an individual's choice - not a preordained destiny.

Our awareness is changing. Today, most of us know about aromatherapy. Most of us understand vegetarianism. In 1978, at 18 when I became a vegetarian - people looked at me as if I was crazy. Health food stores were for kooky people. I remember a time when yogurt was considered exotic. Not any more. Now, most of us are aware of alternative medicine - including acupuncture and energy medicine and we have either experienced these ourselves or we know someone else who has.

This awareness is aiding and abetting our evolution as multi-dimensional human beings who are present - learning to embrace ourselves as a whole being that encompasses mind, body and spirit. We're also beginning to understand that we need to feed these three aspects of ourselves - just like we feed our body, we must feed our mind and our spirit.

Women on my table often remark, as they lay down on a bed of about, oh, five layers of comfy-ness, how this time with me is the only time that they have to be quiet and rest without sleeping. It's a testiment to the fact that our lives are extremely hectic, seeming to be racing by us and with us as we struggle to keep up with our home, work and extracurricular activities.

We are still trying to get so much accomplished. Knowing that we need to take time for ourselves is just the first piece of the puzzle for satisfying our need for self care. We have to actually go ahead and take that time without feeling guilty, or feeling like we're sacrificing something else. The concept of wonder woman is maturing. We are realizing that while we are able to do it all, we have to be realistic with our goals, so that we don't burn out.

As women, we are strong, resilient, courageous, loving and yes, tired. I see it all the time. Often, as women get on my table, they warn me that they might fall asleep and I assure them that this is perfectly fine. They certainly aren't there to keep me company -- it's their time. Many of my ladies fall into a deep sleep - either coughing to cover or waking immediately when they begin to snore - just like me! We want to live every moment to the fullest, and sometimes in doing so, that means sacrificing our own wellness. We are learning about balance -- striving to take care of home, work, family and self.

This self care piece is on the cusp of our evolution. It's not about pampering. Somewhere along the way, it wasn't deemed necessary or attractive to take care of ourselves. While it was considered saintly to take care of others without complaint, but selfish, unnecessary and extravagant to nurture ourselves. Well, here's the wake up call. It's time to break some of these false images. It's time to stand in our truth and to embrace the beauty of being a woman. To step away from being controlled by body image and to balance our concept of youth with the incredible beauty of aging with grace - embracing the wisdom that years bring. Mature women are vibrant, gorgeous, sexy and smart. So, let's hear it for the cougar in us all!

For women, self esteem and self worth is defined not only by our careers, but by honoring our accomplishments: our children and their welfare, our homes, and yes, our image. This is not wrong or selfish. It's about wellness and feeling good about yourself.

It's time that we redefine this concept since it does not work for us. Beauty is health. It's not about the latest fashion, trend, makeup or hairstyle. It's about how we feel about ourselves and for us that includes our self image.

When I hear or read about self care as being something that is frivolous, or when taking care of ourselves is thrust into a negative light, I bristle. Woman don't want to appear "vain" or "selfish". We are givers, not takers. More often than not, we place ourselves last on the list of priorities for what gets taken care of and when.

I'd like to share a story here about one of the beautiful women I work with. She was on the table, talking to me about her day and how she'd woken at 5 am to make breakfast for her hubby because he leaves early for work. So I remarked, "That's beautiful. I think it's so sweet that you get up to have breakfast together." And she replied, "Oh, I don't eat breakfast." I laughed and so did she. Recently, she was on my table again, and when I told her that I would like to share her story, she agreed and said, "Isn't that how we are as women?" Yes, that is how we are.

It's wonderful to give to others and it's wonderful to give to ourselves. It's not frivolous, it's important and necessary for our health and well being. When we take care of ourselves, we feed our mind, body and spirit. And when we are fed, we are happier, healthier, more vibrant and able to give more.

Health *is* beauty. So, when we take care of ourselves, we look and feel better. This transcends makeup, it transcends fashion, though I'd like to note that for some of us, fashion and makeup are part of our identity and therefore should be embraced. It's not about shape or size: some of us are large, some of us lithe, some of us like makeup, some don't, some color our hair, some are natural and it's all beautiful. No matter what your style, is the respect and the willingness, the desire, and the strength needed to carve space for yourself out of lives that are more crowded than ever.

Nurture yourself. Love yourself. Accept yourself. Forgive yourself. Celebrate your individual, unique beauty. In doing so, you will have the chance for quiet, to find peace and calm, to make better decisions, and to realize your worth. When you declare your self worth, others will too!